SHARED IGNORANGE

Ever taking the time to look back over your life? Ever thought about where you used to be, and then realize where you are now in comparison? When is the last time you just sorta took inventory of your life, looking for those things which need improvement, and taking note of those things that have already been improved?

I hope to be someone who keeps things constantly in perspective. I never want to walk blindly in this life, unaware of who I have been or who I am becoming. It's amazing how different situations and circumstances in life influence and direct that person that we eventually become. Even as I say that "who we become"...it just seems like such a foreign idea, like trying to touch even the closest of stars. At what point in life do we stop and declare"This is who I've become"? "I am who I was meant to be!" Seems to me like we will, until the day we breathe our last breath on this earth, always be becoming.

Meanwhile, the process continues. And what a process it is. I am finding that the road to who I am becoming, the road to maturity, the road to adulthood, the road to being a good husband, the road to being successful in my work, the road to being a good father (one day a long time from now for those of you who are thinking Karen and I might be expecting....not yet!!!), the road to life lived as Christ intends it is a painful road full of bumps, blowouts, breakdowns, and all sorts of unexpected twists and turns!

I think I must be at a significant point in that journey for some reason! And by significant point I mean I am hitting some serious bumps on this stretch of road. I am at a point where who I am becoming is completely different than who I used to be, and who I am now is not who I want to be in the future. Those things that for me used to be so black and white are now being challenged and changed into this fuzzy, unintelligible gray. The areas that I used to feel most confident in, now seem to be my area of greatest weakness. I'm not talking about foundational things. There are things that will never change in my life, and in the foundation of my beliefs. But the more life I live, the more complicated some things seem to get...such that it is hard to find a real place of rest. In younger days, it seemed like there were plenty of times where life was OK, because I had it all figured out....or maybe because I didn't have to have it all figured out yet. Those days are seemingly no more, not in this place of my life.

Yet at the very core of my doubt, disbelief, struggles, and shortcomings, I know....I have to know... that who I am becoming depends on less of what I make of myself. Who I am becoming really depends on how much of myself I am willing to let go. And yet I am so persistent and adamant about doing this myself. I will change. I will try. I will work. I will bend. I will become.

I am weak. I am small. I am shortsighted. I am stubborn. I am torn. And on this stretch of road, I just need to surrender the wheel (yep..that's right.....God has been my copilot...not my pilot....that'd make a good church sign.....hmmmm). I am in desperate need to have Christ-in-me become my Hope of Glory again. I am in deep need to once again abide in Christ, and HIM in me.....for apart from HIM I can do nothing...I was nothing.....apart from HIM, I am becoming nothing.

God, you made all of the delicate, inner parts of my body, and knit me together in my mother's womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous, how well I know it!
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the road of everlasting life. Psalm 139:13,16,14,23-24

On Sunday night, I watched a story on MSNBC about a preacher named Carlton Pearson who was a Pentecostal preacher in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'll lay my judgement on the Pentecostal style of worship, and their beliefs to the side for now, save the fact that I will say that I believe that there are plenty of Pentecostals, and people from tons of various other denominations that will go to heaven. And there are plenty of Baptists, Presbyterians, and Methodists and people from other denominations who will not go to heaven.

But I digress. This preacher was on TV talking about his new message that "God gave him" that he is now preaching. The message? Hell isn't a place that we go after we die, apart from God. Hell is a place on earth that we can experience at any time, numerous times even. The moral of this message? We will experience Hell in this life on earth, but when we die, everyone will be united with God in Heaven. God will not send or allow one person to go Hell. Everyone is saved!

Now, I must admit that as I watched this guy talk about this my first thought was "HERESY of all HERESIES"....and to save you from any angst while you read this blog, I still believe that very thought! HERESY it is! But here's what I really don't get! This guy had a huge church in Tulsa....I mean a megachurch that would give upwards of $600,000 a week in "tithes" and "offerings" (and I use those words loosely for this context). Pearson drove a Mercedes Benz, had a huge house in a gated neighborhood, carried clout in evangelical societies, and even had high political connections.

Since preaching new found message, Pearson has lost everything. He lost his church, he lost his fancy car and house, he lost his closest friends and his standing in the evangelical circles. All because he chose to no longer believe there was a hell. Why would a guy who had everything give it up for this radical (and heretical) message? I mean I can understand someone like Joel Osteen watering down the truth and preaching a feel-good, health and wealth, don't-worry-be-happy kind of message for the sake of tickling the collective ears of his superhuge church (not that I in any way think that is right!) But to preach something like this and lose it all......I don't get it. And Pearson's reason......according to the report...was that he couldn't stand the thought that his backsliding grandparents would really go to hell after they died!

As I watched though, I realized that though he gave up his standing presently, I don't think that will be the case very long. I believe his message will catch on. I thought, as I watched this report, of all the people in the world looking for an answer to the pain and hurt they have experienced in life....and to hear someone say "Hey, that's what hell is....but no worries, when you die, no matter what, you will be with God in heaven". I thought of those people who have been burned by church, or who have given up any thought to consequence of action so they can live the way they want, or those people who openly despise God. This is good news for them...now they can live as they please, and still have great reward in Heaven with God. Man?born good not bad after all. Sin? Not an issue! Holiness? Think nothing of it.

All the while the blood of Jesus.....the grace of God......CHEAPENED. In the words of Dietrich Bonhoffer "cheap grace means the justification of sin without the justification of the sinner. Grace alone does everything they say, and so everything can remain as it was before. "All for sin could not atone." Well, then, let the Christian live like the rest of the world, let him model himself on the world’s standards in every sphere of life, and not presumptuously aspire to live a different life under grace from his old life under sin."

I am reminded of this verse -

"For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. They will reject the truth and chase after myths." 2 Timothy 4:3-4